


Revenge

by beccaelizabeth



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-13
Updated: 2004-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beccaelizabeth/pseuds/beccaelizabeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ethan thinks about revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revenge

How can you sleep so soundly, knowing I'm right here?

Don't you know how many times I've planned to kill you?

It used to keep me going. Long, cold, hours in my tiny white room, long, hot fantasies of you and me. Thinking up new things to do to you, new things to turn you into, always ending up with 'corpse'. Knowing I'd pay you back. Just as soon as I got out of there.

You stood there, watched, grinned as those sadistic bastards took me away, and now you just lie there asleep, with me right here.

Do you think sex can buy forgiveness?

It can't. I've tried.

So why am I just lying here too, watching you sleep?

Why do I keep thinking of the look on your face when you found me, not dead after all?

Your smile then... pure joy. Relief. Elation.

I don't need to wonder how one face could wear both smiles - Janus knows, I understand that.

I just don't know why it matters to me.

Or maybe I'd only rather not.

I'm Chaos incarnate. I'm not the kind of man who would spend thirty years waiting for you.

Except, of course, there's another side to everyone.

So, I'm lying here, and you're lying there, and I can't bring myself to do anything more than just watch you sleep, with yet another smile on your face. The little dopey grin of the thoroughly well shagged. The one that makes me want to smile the exact same way.

I smirk instead. It's more familiar.

Maybe I don't need to do anything, per se, to get you killed. Maybe that butterfly flapped a long time ago. Sooner or later my life will kill me anyway, maybe I can just take you with me. Or distract you at a crucial moment, when something comes for you.

Either plan has the added bonus I'll never have to live without you. I fantasised a lot of things, but I didn't need to think about that. Too damn much of it already.

I catch myself brushing back your hair, tracing the edge of your smile with a fingertip, and I laugh silently. Yeah, I'm just thinking of ways to pay you back, really...

I settle down, do what I've wanted to for hours now. Wrap my arms around you and move in so close I'm breathing you. Kiss you, carefully. Close my eyes and join you.

Rest in peace. Just let me share.

After all, isn't living well the best revenge?


End file.
